After
by Literate
Summary: His eyes half-lidded, wondering just what his brother was trying to say. Two years had destroyed their mental link, their similarities, and everything they had prided in being twins. Three-Shot. Hitachiincest.
1. Alone

So... Sue me for being a total hypocrite. I wrote _angst_, dammit. I wrote _After_ a _loooong_ time ago and only finished it lately... I don't remember when I even started it; this must be one of my first plots, ever. This my attempt at writing _full blown description_, so beware: Lit's description bores people, apparently. It's in a different style and since I took so long to write it, it may not be consistent. (Because, mostly, I hardly used italics.)

This is based on the canon manga, _before_ 57, so I wouldn't know if the twins hadn't split up in their brotherly love act.

Warnings: Some swearing, lots of angst, the regular. Third Person POV, switches between Kaoru's limited POV and Hikaru's limited... about twice in the entire fic. Some Haruhi's Third Person POV.

Disclaimer: I don't own Ouran. I don't have a sarcastic reply this time, so deal with this.

* * *

**After**

Part I. Alone.

* * *

He was told to move on.

Five times, ten times, twenty…

A billion times; he had lost count.

Months passed, the time drawing out their differences.

After a year, he finally let go.

But every time, he looked at his resting face, the ethereal peace written along the furrowed brows, and a small child-like smile…

He still hoped.

Darkness loomed over the skies, dusty clouds rolling in ominously. An impatient finger tapped on the window sill, as he watched through the light of the room a light drizzle blowing at small scattering unknown figures below. He sighed, amber eyes turning back to the complicated homework next to him.

His mind boringly calculated his complicated calculus. His pencil moved automatically, jotting down the numbers. Since then, he had been increasingly good at math. But, now wasn't the time to think about that.

The expressionless eyes wandered along the pink-walled room. The amazing room he had walked in more than four years ago. The Third Music Room.

So many memories were instilled here. That's why he was still here.

Whereas the famous "lords" had graduated and risen to exceeding heights, whereas the two successful martial artists only take weekends off to walk in and out for five minutes, whereas the little commoner girl was burying her head over with notes in the library, he was the only one who stayed there, drinking up the months-old laughter, the amusing plots, games, the _before_. Just sitting, listening.

Listening to the deaden silence.

The rain fell heavier, hitting the glass with depressive streaks of water.

The silence was only broken when he finally put away his math, the rustling of papers distracted him from the drumming of eerily timed raindrops.

His mouth was pulled into a thin line, his lips closed. His eyes flickered shut for a brief moment, before he picked up his lone bag, pushed in his chair, and treaded slowly out of the room.

The music room full of memories.

Of the host club, of Tamaki, Kyouya, Mori, Hani, of Haruhi.

Of him and his twin brother.

But now he was alone.

* * *

It happened eventually, but the ultimate decision still beat against his conscience.

Only days afterward, his parents had worried over him, that it was unhealthy, that he would eventually starve himself, that even he was as close to death as his brother. That maybe it was lucky, very lucky that they had finally made friends.

The entire host club had tried to snap him out of his daze.

Kyouya had tried first, leaving a trail of cold words in his wake. Tamaki attempted second, but all he received was an empty gaze, a misunderstanding one. Mori and Hani tried to tempt him out of the room, but he still wouldn't leave; he would never leave his brother.

Then Haruhi said it. Eventually, she said. Eventually.

They would help him to remember how close they were, how much his brother had wanted him to know that he loved him.

She thought they could eventually help him return to life, instead of waiting like a wilting flower. She would sit near him, reading a book; Hani would show him new cake flavors; Mori would lend a listening ear; Kyouya would keep him up to date with the school; and Tamaki… The "lord" helped him with the math homework he had always thought was so hard.

He was thankful. Just a little.

He was unforgiving. Just a little.

But other than that, he didn't know how to feel about it all.

* * *

The storm hardly let up as his feet tapped lightly against the marble pathway, watching as the rain came falling down in quick fluid trails. He kept his gaze onto the floor, pulling out his light blue cell phone, flipping it open expertly. His pale fingers clicked in a number automatically, anchoring his case more firmly under his arm. Just as he was about to raise it to his ear, he heard the footsteps on the stone. He hardly looked up as he suddenly replied to the eerie silence.

"Haruhi, you're done studying?"

"Ah, hai," the female voice trilled through his ears. He spared a glance at her.

Even after the Host Club was broken up, the commoner girl had kept her hair short, her male uniform still in tact. Her chocolate brown eyes shone at him happily as she smiled softly at him.

"You need a ride home?" he commented airily, pointing to the rain clouds.

She shook her head, the soft brown strands whipping against her face.

"Nah, it's fine."

He nodded mutely, and heard the call pick up on the other side. He snapped it shut quickly afterwards. His chauffer knew this routine so well he'd know to pick him up.

"Have you studied for the semester finals yet?" the not-so-boyish girl asked him. He raised an interested brow.

"No, not yet," he responded distantly.

"Decided on your college majors?" she leaned over, looking directly into her eyes.

He shrugged, his amber eyes easily sliding away from hers, "Math and Science, I guess."

"But your English went well, I thought for sure you'd pick that up," she said calmly, her eyes following his gaze towards the metal rain-soaked gates, "I mean, you're good a metaphors."

Again, he shrugged, uncaringly, "It doesn't matter. Life… is just life."

There was an unspoken statement on his tongue, the girl could see. But he wasn't going to say it.

How long had it been? Two years already? He had been doing fairly well without his twin brother, although it took some convincing otherwise. He could live without his twin; he could, but he didn't want it.

"Ah, just one more year until graduation!" she stretched, hoping her happy tones carried over to him.

He didn't reply; he suddenly had his cell phone flipped open again.

There wasn't any initial reaction. Haruhi just waited.

Then, as if nothing happened, he pressed buttons in rapid succession. In haste, he placed it near his ear, his monotone voice taking a different note.

"Where are you? I'm waiting here. Ah. Right. Get here as fast as you can. It's a request," he added hastily, knowing that the weather was a bit unpredictable.

Haruhi cocked her head: why did his voice sound… different?

The phone was flipped closed quickly, and he resumed his position, only this time he was tapping his foot impatiently, in rhythm with the rain.

"You know, since you don't look like you're going to study anytime soon, do you want to join a study session with me?"

"After," he replied softly, his hand moving to his mouth, as if hiding something. "After…"

"After?" her chocolate eyes widened in realization, "After… what?"

He didn't answer. His limousine only pulled up to the gates, when he shot off towards the car, through the rain.

"Later, Haruhi!"

And through the rain, she thought she saw him smile.

* * *

Abandoning his school case in the car, he sped out into the rain, drenching his already damp uniform further. But he didn't care; that didn't matter right now. Bursting through the automatic doors, he caught several stares, but that didn't matter either. His eyes scanned the two unlighted buttons, and pressed the top one frantically. He watched as the number went down slowly, and he frowned, pressing the same button again, swearing colorfully.

His eyes roamed the sterilized building, and he spotted what he was looking for: the emergency stairs. Sure, the floor he wanted to go up to was the nineteenth, but what did that matter? Throwing all logic to the wind, he practically flew up the stairs, going three steps at the time, half running, half jogging.

Breathless, he ran down the hall, pushing the slow obstructions out of the way, his pace pressing the water out of his shoes. Heart beating hard, he finally found where he wanted to go, the room 1907. His amber eyes scanned the room plate over and over again, and now, he was almost scared to go in.

Scared that it might be a false alarm.

Scared that it was faked, untrue.

Scared that maybe in the time when he received the message and the time he arrived…

Scared that his brother might've died.

Pulling his courage from a hidden revenue, he opened the door, hands shaking, his throat raspy. Sweat dripped down his chin.

"Is he- Is he-" he took a moment to catch his breath, as he looked into the dim, depressing room.

He thought he had left it two years ago, but he was here now. He took several tentative steps inside, too breathless to hold his breath.

A woman was waiting there, her charm still intact, the amber eyes that he had inherited looking knowingly at him. His mother. A man was there, overshadowing her, his eyes transferring an almost mysterious glint to him. His father.

The brunette woman motioned to the bed, and he was almost scared to do anything.

"Is he really… awake?" he asked, hesitantly.

His mother smiled warmly at him, "Dear, you'll have to see for yourself."

His amber eyes wandered uncertainly back to the hospital bed again. He watched his face fearfully, his eyes were still closed, and still no much better than two years ago. There was a wooden chair next to it, the one that he had been so much accustomed to, two years ago. He placed a hand onto the paler hand lying on the bleached white sheets, lowering his eyes so it fell onto the slow rising of his heart, one so unlike his quickly beating one.

"Kao…ru?" It was weak, but he heard it. One eyelid opened, then the other followed. He stared into identical amber eyes, a shine that was unlike his own. He watched as the quivering lips widened slightly into a smile, "Kaoru…"

He was breathless, this time for different reasons, "Hikaru. You- You really _did_ wake up."

The smile lessened slightly, and the happy glint was replaced with seriousness, "How… long? Have I…"

Tears edged closer to his eyes, "Two years, Hikaru…"

The elder twin mouthed the two words over and over again. And then, just a whisper, he admitted quietly, "Two years…"

Kaoru just simpered.

With a slight frown, the hospitalized teen attempted to sit up, just a little, but he slumped back into the pillows.

"Kaoru…" he felt drained, weak, lethargic. His voice shaky, scared, "What happened?"

"I-" Kaoru caught his mouth, his brother looked inquiringly at him, "I don't know… I don't want to remember…"

"Oh…" Hikaru's voice was small again, weak, unlike how he remembered it. He averted his eyes, staring at the blank wall, "So…I was in a coma for two years…"

Kaoru nodded, then trailed, "The doctors said… there was little chance of you waking up," then he inserted quickly, "But I knew you wouldn't leave me."

Hikaru simply stayed silent.

"Two years, Kaoru," he finally said, his voice in a whisper again, "Two years…"

* * *

The depressing storm lifted slowly, easing the large city into the long-yearned sunlight. An eighteen-year-old teenager hurriedly scrawled across his papers, hoping to finish up his homework as quickly as he could. The light filtered in slowly, it was bright and early morning, so the other twin wouldn't have woken yet.

Sometime between his English interpretations and economics, a tray of breakfast of the finest quality had been delivered to their room. The still-warm pancakes were still wafting around the room as he finally finished up his annoying homework.

His twin was sleeping, finally dispatched from the hospital and back inside the comfort of their own room. He wandered from the paper filled desk, and sat down slowly onto the crisp meadow colored sheets. He found his hand drawn, as if magnetically, to his twin's messed up auburn hair. His hazel eyes memorized his brother's sleeping features, his hands, the contours of his face.

Hikaru looked almost childish, sleeping, with no care in the world. Like a doll, deathly pale, skinny, small. Even his hands were different; Hikaru's looked like they could be instantly crushed. And there was a possibility that he might just be a little taller than his elder brother. All because Hikaru was hospitalized. _For two years_.

"Mm?" A groggy mumble floated to his ears.

"Morning, Hikaru," he smiled, finding it less and less forced.

"What time is it?" he murmured, sitting up slightly, trying to blink his eyes of sleep.

"About ten," Kaoru said, with a taunting smile. He ran a hand through his twin's hair again.

"Blah, later than you apparently," Hikaru cast a stink eye at Kaoru's already fully dressed body.

He laughed a bit in reply, "Well, you're exhausted, of course you'd wake up later," he nodded, trying to affirm him of the otherwise.

"Ah, I'm hungry," he yawned, stretching out his legs and swung them over the side of the bed. His amber eyes roamed over the table, winking in laughter as he found the pancakes. He licked his lips, "Maple syrup, yum. Forgot how good it was."

Kaoru smiled slightly, watching his brother in amusement. He brushed of nonexistent dust off his pants and walked over to the table.

"Maple syrup," Hikaru repeated, his eyes practically attached to the gooey substance of the pancakes.

Once the tray was in his reach, he grabbed for one plate and stabbed a piece of cake with a fork. Within seconds, he was leaning against his pillow, enjoying the cakes as the maple syrup dribbled down his chin.

The younger twin placed the tray onto the bed, lying down on the crisp sheets. With a slight smile, he watched as his still less mature twin gobble down his breakfast. At least, that was still the same, he thought sadly turning his head to the plate of food.

Hikaru waggled his fork, dazedly staring at the tabletop mirror, "Eh, Kaoru, what do you do on weekends?"

"Hmm?" he looked up from the mess he made from pancakes, maple syrup, and a fork. "What do you mean?"

"Who'd you play video games with?" Hikaru blinked, staring at his twin straight in the eye.

Kaoru quickly lowered his eyes, setting the fork onto the porcelain plate with a clack, "Well, there was no one to play with me, so I thought it was pointless."

"Them, what'd you do?" Hikaru gave him a strange look over, then opened his mouth in realization, knitting his brows together, "You didn't _study_ all day did you?"

"Well, if it got boring enough, yeah," then he paused, and shrugged a bit, "Well, the Host Club were all pretty worried about me… So most of the weekends they'd drag me to, you know, Host Club gatherings."

He didn't look at his twin, but he was met with silence.

"What did you do for _two_ _years_ then?" Hikaru finally asked, cupping his chin, the pancakes half-eaten. He slid his eyes half-lidded, "I mean, right now, a lot of people should have a personal life… no?"

Kaoru lifted his gaze off the light green sheets and studied his elder brother with the corner of his eyes. He opened his mouth and the soft undertone was almost unheard.

"Nothing. I did nothing."

"Why didn't you?!" he shouted, his rage echoing in his words, "Why didn't you do _anything_?!"

His amber eyes widened, "I-"

"Kaoru, what if I didn't- didn't-" Hikaru turned away, a light tint of red on his cheeks, "You…"

"Hikaru," he breathed. He almost didn't understand his twin anymore, after years of separation. He ran over his thoughts in his head, shuffling over to his brother, "I only did what was necessary of me."

"What- _school_?"

He nodded, tentative of his brother's explosive behavior. But he should've been used to it- but he should've known Hikaru was prone to anger- but he should've known that while things changed for him, nothing did for Hikaru.

"I couldn't live without you, Hikaru," he inched closer, careful arms wrapping around his frail twin, and pulled him over to meet his eye in the mirror. Kaoru smiled slightly, seeing Hikaru's stubborn eyes desperately trying to tear their gaze off the mirror. Taking a slight chance, he leaned in and whispered, a light flush covering his own face.

"I love you, Hikaru. You can't forget that."

He felt a slight tug on his arm, bony fingers creeping over his skin. Drops of tears splashed softly onto his hands.

"Damnit," Hikaru seethed, trying to hold back his tears, wiping the moisture away with his hand, "Kaoru… You…"

"Yes?" His eyes half-lidded, wondering just what his brother was trying to say. Two years had destroyed their mental link, their similarities, and everything they had prided in being twins. Kaoru slid his eyes closed again, and gently fingered Hikaru's bony hands.

"Why?" The word was left suspended in the air, quietly, as if waiting for the younger twin to pick it up and rip it apart. Hikaru didn't dare look up, he simply pulled on his brother's hand to snap Kaoru out of his thoughts.

"Kaoru, I rejected you once, already," the elder twin finally said, with a hint of anger, wincing slightly at his own insincerity; what he normally passed off as his "nature," he was finding it hard to ignore. He closed his eyes, trying to ignore Kaoru's eyes, "Can't you… can't you…"

The younger twin nudged his brother slightly, "Can't I… what?"

"Just… let go of me," he sighed, shrugging off Kaoru's affectionate grasp, sitting upright to set his feet over the side of the bed. He stared emptily at the mirror again, his hand subconsciously rubbing his other arm.

"Hikaru?" Kaoru watched him, his soft eyes running over Hikaru's figure. The other twin didn't reply, his eyes fixated on the glassy reflection, "Hikaru, what's wrong?"

"Kaoru," Hikaru turned his eyes towards his brother, the amber misting over his usually mischievous eyes, "Have two years really passed?"

Kaoru only stared at him for a while, confused, what would make him ask that question? Then it clicked.

"Hikaru," he breathed with realization, sliding over to sit next to his twin. He placed a comforting arm around him, "Hikaru, you're… confused…"

Nodding, the elder twin placed his head onto his brother's shoulder, the first of his tears falling down his cheek.

"I don't know what I'm supposed to think at all." His eyes wandered over his hands again, then closed tightly, as if wanting to shut out these _lies_. " I don't know what's real and what's not…"

"Don't worry, Hikaru," his calm voice soothed, "I'll help you."

"Kaoru." Said twin only nodded, and Kaoru wiped the tears away with his thumb. The voice was a mere whisper, confused, "I don't know anything anymore…I don't know if I love you like you do me."


	2. Different

...;-; I'm sorry for not updating this entire week, but school's been freakin' annoying and the traffic's been freakin' annoying...

Blah. Anyway, introduction to the host club... (Ever see how it aways ends with Hikaru's depressing thoughts? :3? It's not my fault I chose to separate it like that. :P)

ANYWAY. Before Ipost the disclaimer and such, I'd like to you check out my profile after you read this chappie fic. :3 Please? I want you to click on the linkie I have there and check on the little forum that we (me an Demi, but mostly me) made. It's about Ouran. :D So if you didn't see Demi's shameless advertising, _please- I'm begging-_ check it out now. It'll make me very happy that I actually brought some people to the forum. :3? So, please? :3?

Warning: Mild cursing (on Hikaru's behalf), and some OOC confusion. But that's to be expected.

Disclaimer: I do not own Ouran, or else everyone would, for sure, get a happy ending.

* * *

**After**

Part II. Different.

* * *

There was little to no transfers during the school year, much less during the high school curriculum. So the second-years had unyielding fascination with the new student who had entered class 2A, regardless whether or not he was in their class.

Some, however, knew that there was yet _another_ Hitachiin in the year above them, who looked strangely like this student. Some knew that the Hitachiins had _twins_ and wondered why the two were in different years.

Hikaru could only just cope with it, being one year under his own twin, being among juniors, and being _alone_.

And so rumors spread.

Most third years brushed these gossip away, but often thought it was strange that one of their former classmates were now learning in the year below them.

Even more stranger when they didn't know a thing about the entire confusing situation.

"Kaoru?"

"Mmm?" The addressed twin only cocked his head to the side, not removing his eyes from the book he was reading. Kaoru had developed a habit: during the time where he would normally joke off with his twin, he had resorted to reading random psychology books (but wasn't that what he did in the years before the Host Club?).

The girl only knitted her brow together and tapped on his shoulder to get his attention. He shut his eyes in frustration, then closed his book, and looked at the commoner, his eyes half-lidded in boredom. Haruhi raised a brow: she hadn't seen that look from him for a long time.

"Haruhi, what do you want?" She smiled slightly as he used that tone. Something had happened. He only watched her, amusedly, before prompting, "What?"

"Oh," she snapped out of her daze, and gave him a bigger smile, "Kaoru, you didn't tell me that Hikaru's back."

His expression loosened into a smile, "Whoops. Forgot to tell you."

"That's alright," she giggled, patting him on the head. Her laughter subsided, and her gaze came to rest upon the window outside. An awkward silence rolled about, neither knowing what exactly to say.

"Ne, Haruhi," Kaoru piped up suddenly. She moved her eyes to him, raising a brow. Setting his chin on his hands, he continued, "About that study session… Do you mind if Hikaru comes too?"

Her smile seemed a bit brighter, "Of course not."

And the Hitachiin's smile seemed less stressed.

* * *

The sounds of paper echoed through the large empty classroom. The bored Hitachiin has his head propped up by his arm, dazed, looking through his very new textbook. His mind read the same line over and over, trying to make sense of the complicated text, before he sighed in frustration. His hazy amber eyes slid over to the next paragraph, where he tried yet again to understand.

He was entirely ready to throw the textbook onto the floor, when the door creaked open slowly, ominously, foreboding. Instead of acknowledging it whatsoever, he continued to seethe at his complex trigonometry notes, that he was entirely unprepared of the subsequent tap on his shoulder.

"Gak!" With a start, he fell out of his chair. The wooden chair tumbled after him.

He heard giggles as his sight adjusted to see the familiar, yet not so familiar hand before him.

"Hikaru, you okay?" came Kaoru's calm voice, with the hint of underlying amusement. Taking the hand, he frowned as he was pulled up again.

"Kaoru," he brushed the dust off his uniform, voicing his irritation, "Why did you do that?"

"Sorry, Hikaru," he replied light-heartedly, and smiled mischievously, "Didn't think you'd be so immersed."

"Didn't think you'd come so early," he retorted, picking up his school case, placing his textbook into it. Kaoru rocked back and forth, waiting for his twin to finish up. With a sigh, he looked at his twin, raising a brow in interest, "Why'd you come at three thirty? I thought you said you had something to do."

"We're going to study together," he said happily, leading the way towards the door, while his brother followed unhappily, "I asked Haruhi if you could come to. She hadn't seen you for a while, you know."

"Haruhi?" He stopped, eyes widening at the name.

"Yeah, Haruhi," Kaoru looked back at him, quizzically, concerned at his brother's change in mood, "What's the matter?"

The elder twin bit his lip and tried to ignore his rampaging thoughts. Haruhi, the one whom he had crushed on oh so very much two years ago. Haruhi, the commoner girl that he had found himself attracted to in their freshman year. Haruhi, the one who's screwing over his feelings by just thinking about her.

Noticing his brother's gaze, Hikaru attempted a strained smile.

"Nothing, nothing at all."

* * *

Her eyes scoured the loud reading room, trying to find that familiar head of hair that she had long identified the twins with. A reddish brown, something like copper, but nothing deep and dark. She and the younger twin had agreed on studying that day, in the Third Reading Room, although she subconsciously wished that the Hitachiin choose a different place to study. A quiet room, maybe the Third Music Room.

She shoved the nostalgic thoughts away as she spotted that tuff of red hair near one of the second floor shelves. Her steps were hurried, at a quick pace; she had already been ten minutes pass the scheduled meeting time. But what would that matter? Kaoru wouldn't be likely to get angry at her, unless maybe, she never showed up (but even the Hitachiin knew that would be unlikely). No, what she was worried about was Hikaru.

She'd never seen him for over two years. How should she respond? What should she do? Say? What if she said something offensive? Hikaru's unpredictability was dangerous enough in the first place.

As she rounded the last of the steps, she could only blink at the scene unfolding in one of the corner tables. Kaoru (was it Kaoru?) was standing comfortably behind Hikaru (was that really Hikaru?), arms curled around him, his chin on the top of his head. Hikaru was sitting down, eyes fixed on the book in front of him, frowning every so often. Somehow, it wasn't surprising to see the twins in an intimate situation; it wasn't supposed to be surprising seeing that they had often been in even more suggestive circumstances.

What was surprising was that it _didn't fit_. It just didn't _fit_. 'Lest she forgot to put in her contacts today and mistaken the two, the entire scene was _different_. Normally, Kaoru was the one reading; Hikaru was much more content in reading things over his brother's shoulder. But two years passed, of course, things had to change.

She walked tentatively towards the pair; they didn't seem to notice her presence until she called, "Kaoru, Hikaru?"

The one who was standing turned to look at her, quickly, without a hesitation, and smiled softly at her. The other was still reading the book, either in pure ignorance of the situation at hand, or bent on ignoring her.

"You're late, Haruhi," he said, with an amused tilt of his head. She took the empty seat, or at least, the one that was wasn't already occupied with a body, or a school case. Kaoru shook his brother gently, snapping him out of whatever thoughts he had then, "Hikaru, Haruhi's here."

"Oh, hi." There was little timidity in his voice, but by his lack of large gestures or dramatic detail, Kaoru could tell that Hikaru was nervous, if a little bit. Haruhi was only a bit turned off when Hikaru simply looked at her and went back to reading.

But neither knew what was actually happening in his mind.

Every vivid memory forced their way into his mind, rushing in like an onslaught. He remembered the first time he met Haruhi, he remembered the first time he had ever gotten angry (and Kaoru didn't), he remembered anything and everything about Haruhi, and it was _painful_ remembering how much he had _liked_ her.

And remembering that Kaoru loved him unconditionally? Well, that was just the last straw.

Hikaru spared another look at Haruhi; the brunette had begun to take out her books, giving Kaoru a look every now and then. As nonchalantly as possible, he looked upwards, trying to catch Kaoru's eyes (perhaps to get an idea of what to do), but his brother was too busy playing with his fingers and chatting with Haruhi.

His curious amber eyes fell and dropped towards the girl again, mostly to see if anything changed over the years. She didn't disappoint him: she looked a bit more feminine than when he had last seen her, even though she was still wearing the male uniform (but for what reason other than the Host Club would she be required to?) Her hair was still as chocolate brown, and her eyes were still bright, and still giving off the idea that she could see right through you.

Like Kaoru, she changed. Like Kaoru, she changed, just a little.

But the "just a little" in Kaoru seemed more obvious to him than in Haruhi.

His brother was more outspoken (at least, more than he was before), and he had this light in his step. Kaoru was more liable to take initiatives for him, mostly because half the time, Hikaru was still catching up with life. And strangely enough, Kaoru was the one who spoke to everyone first, it seemed. His little brother wasn't a "follower" anymore.

Had he really missed that much?

"The exams are coming up, you should really begin to study, Kaoru," the girl drawled, taking out her physics homework, eying the papers, bored.

He perked up; the exams were coming up? That was… sudden.

"Aw, but I want to hang around Hikaru," Kaoru purred cutely, and as if on cue, began to nuzzle his brother's neck, "I don't want to study, not yet."

Hikaru tried to ignore his twin's presence and tried again to think through the math homework. Somehow, Kaoru noticed Hikaru's silence and blinked, twice in rapid succession, before leaning down to look through his notes. His twin was agonizingly poring over the absurdly easy (well, to him) calculations, a finger rubbing his temple, irritated.

"Hikaru," he stated abruptly. The elder twin only grunted in reply. His eyes half-lidded in an indifferent sort of way, "Why do you find that hard?"

Suddenly, he slammed the book onto the table (attracting the attention of people a few tables over and more), and he gritted his teeth, trying to be as discreet as possible, "Because, it _is_."

Kaoru laughed lightly, fingers playing around with his brother's tie. He sighed, inaudibly, and smiled, "You were always better at math then I was."

"Well, that's it then," Hikaru grumbled, looking anywhere but at his twin, "My brain did absolutely nothing for two years."

"Don't worry, you'll get back up to par," Kaoru winked, tugging on his black-stripped tie, and whispered, as if it was a secret, "I know, I'll go get you a drink, 'kay? Green tea always cleared up my mind."

With that, he left a questioning twin and thoroughly confused commoner at the table, alone. His eyes nervously darted to Haruhi. Suddenly, he wanted to screw Kaoru and green tea. Did he leave them alone on purpose?

"So, Hikaru, how are things going for you right now?"

Hikaru looked at her, attracted by her poor attempt at starting a conversation. The twin blinked before shrugging, "It's fine, I guess. But the second-years love to gossip. It gets annoying sometimes."

"About you and Kaoru, you mean," the girl replied, thoughtful, raising a finger to make a point. She looked at his confused expression with a smile.

"… Kind of," he shrugged, and lowered his eyes to the book again.

"You know, Hikaru, it's good that you came back," Haruhi watched his questioning eyes carefully, and answered his unasked question, "Since then, I've never seen Kaoru act this expressive."

"What do you mean?" But he knew what she meant exactly. It meant that Kaoru was emotionless after he had fallen out of consciousness. It meant that Kaoru stopped caring about life. It meant that Kaoru was, in an essence, _dead_. Hikaru tried not to think about it-

-that Kaoru would only live if Hikaru did.

Haruhi smiled reassuringly at him, "Let's look at the worst case scenario. Without you, he lost all meaning to life. He said that often; that nothing mattered if you weren't around. If you…"

Died, he knows she's going to say. If he died, then Kaoru would for sure-

"-he would live as a hollow shell." He blinked at the dramatic difference between his assumptions and hers. She looked out the window thoughtfully, her fingers twining around her chocolate strands, "Probably continue to live, without a purpose. That, I believe, is even worse then dying."

He fidgeted slightly; he hadn't expected to talk about this topic with her, Haruhi of all people. But he was too scared to ask Kaoru, after all the conclusions that he had come up with, after he had stopped Kaoru whenever he had started to say anything like that.

"Kaoru always seemed to think of you over himself. Without you, he wouldn't know what to do," she smiled, deep chocolate eyes looking directly at him, "He's very selfless when it comes to you."

Hikaru blinked, just once.

"You're lucky, Hikaru," she added, her head resting on her hand, "That you have another chance to see what's important to you."

There was a thoughtful silence as the Hitachiin tried to sort out what she said.

"Hikaru, doozo," and suddenly something hot was shoved into his hands. He fumbled a bit with it, cautious so it wouldn't spill all over his notes. He didn't even have to look up to see Kaoru slid back into his seat, whistling a comfortable tune. The younger twin tapped his fingers against the tables, looking at him with a smile, "Green tea really helps in clearing the mind," he closed his eyes serenely, "I wish I could've gotten you some iced green tea, so we could get drunk together…"

Hikaru blinked; …did he just say green tea and drunk together in the same sentence?

Just _what _had he been missing out? He looked towards Haruhi, to get a hint, to know what to say. Instead, she just gave him a small smile, unnatural and strained. _You weren't there,_ her eyes said.

He didn't have time at all when his trigonometry textbook was pulled from his grasp. "Kaoru," he half-protested, half-attempting to wrestle the thick book out of his brother's firm grasp.

"Here, I'll help you, Hikaru," he smiled, opening the book. Hikaru frowned just slightly as Kaoru slid his seat closer to him.

"You don't _need _to help me," Hikaru protested, sipping on the green tea.

"But I want to!"

Haruhi smiled, just a bit, watching as Hikaru reluctantly listened to his brother's cheerful voice, his eyes lidding in annoyance.

She had missed Hikaru, but most of all she missed the devilish Hitachiin twins.

Because when Hikaru almost died, he brought Kaoru down with him; and now that he's back, Kaoru seemed more alive than ever. In a short sentence, the elder twin was the driving force behind the twins' antics.

They weren't the _Hitachiin twins _unless the both of them were together.

But, she thought, tapping her pen against her cheek, Hikaru still doesn't know how much Kaoru loved him.

Hikaru needed a bit of help, and she knew where to get it from.

* * *

The teen kept his amber eyes on the marble floor, uncaring, trying to ignore the fact that he was going to the superintendent's office. Of all places! He sighed; maybe it was his grades. He wasn't doing so well in math, and his language courses that he sucked to hell at before? Unspeakable. He should be transferred into a different class- maybe D or something, he mulled, eyes downcast as he continued his agonizing steps towards the office. Or maybe redo his freshman year. Again. They shouldn't have promoted him to junior when he never even took the final exams for freshman!

All he could think of was that he had _very, very, very, very_ bad grades, and maybe he deserved to even have to go to the school head's office because of that! Yes- that's it- he concluded, his hand on the knob of the door, pushing it open- it must be his grades.

His eyes widened, and he almost dropped his school case- "Milord, what are _you_ doing here?!" he screeched, backing away from the "adult."

The blonde blinked before smiling his "Tamaki" smile. Hikaru's eyes darted at him-

Suou Tamaki had changed, a lot. He was a couple inches taller than him now, and his deep sapphire eyes were still there- but- but- he looked so _professional_. With a suit and stripped tie donned, he looked different (insanely different) than what he remembered several years ago, probably looking less idiotic and more smart.

"Hikaru, long time no see-" he smiled, gesturing for the Hitachiin twin to step into the office, "-I used Father's influence to call you here. We need to catch up a bit."

And all this time he was worried about _grades_. He stepped tentatively into the room, Tamaki pushing him towards to a couch where he sat, a little too stiffly. The blonde sat on the couch opposite of his, waving a maid to provide refreshments- he presumed.

"Uh…" he was partially speechless to even see him there, his voice coming out politely, despite the rough arrangement of words, "What do you want?"

"No worries, no worries!" Tamaki laughed light-hearted, and Hikaru blinked- did Kaoru copy off their lord's antics? "Hikaru, how have you been? I heard from Kyouya that you were dispatched several weeks ago, but I couldn't get any time off from college to come and visit you-"

"What's with that?" Hikaru bluntly cut him off. Tamaki looked at where he pointed to, shoving aside the fact that he had rudely cut him off. The younger teen blinked, "I mean," he amended quickly, "Your suit."

"Oh, that's the only reason I could come here. So I could visit the young charming girls at Ouran and conduct a survey!"

Hikaru rolled his eyes; Tamaki was an idiot, still an idiot, "Yeah, charming young ladies," he muttered, leaning back into the couch, growing increasingly bored.

"But while I toured the second-years, I heard an alarming thing!" Tamaki whispered dramatically.

Hikaru deadpanned, "What?"

"Hikaru, it's unacceptable!" the former "king" of the host club stood dramatically from his seat, and pointed directly at the twin, "You can't be behind in your studies! You'll never catch up with your brother this way!" He jumped over the coffee table between them and placed his hands firmly onto his shoulders, "Unacceptable! Clearly unacceptable! I will not allow my son to _fail_ at his studies!"

So it _was _about grades.

A slight gloom settled onto his head, and somehow the college student noticed he had said something very wrong.

He removed his hands discreetly as Hikaru rubbed his forehead with his hand.

"I _know_, okay? I _know_," he stressed, averting his hazel eyes, "But no matter how hard I try; I just _don't get it_."

A slight smile tugged at his lips, "You know, Hikaru…" the twin raised his head to look at the man. Tamaki smiled, "That's what Kaoru said to me too."

"Wait," different possibilities flashed through his head. "_What?"_

Tamaki sat onto the other seat of the couch, "It was two years ago, just… maybe several months after you…" he abruptly stopped, but Hikaru had gotten the meaning. He looked at Hikaru, smiled, and continued, "He was failing, badly; he didn't concentrate on his homework, nor any classes, and most of the teachers left him be, _you know_," he emphasized it like he didn't want to tell him specifically, "Especially in math. Sure, when the teachers told him to improve, he did in all courses but that one thing-"

"Because, I had always helped him," Hikaru whispered. Kami, his absence didn't really hit Kaoru _that_ hard… didn't it?

The king nodded sophisticatedly, "That's when I decided to step in. I was one year your-" he coughed audibly- "Kaoru's senior, so I could help him with some of his homework. He really did improve after that."

Hikaru fell silent; he didn't know, he didn't know what had happened to his twin at all, he never bothered asking-

"So, that's why, during your free periods during this quarter, come to the Third Music Room, I'll be there to help you catch up, okay? It'll be okay if you come after or before school."

Hikaru nodded, then a question came up- it was annoying him slightly- "Can't Kaoru help me? You have your college to go to too."

"Nonsense!" Tamaki waved a hand, "I must help my son in all ways possible! Besides, my college course has a "community service" excuse, so I'm using that."

He went quiet, "What about Kaoru?"

"Kaoru…" the Suou rubbed his chin, closing his eyes, "You need some away time, Hikaru. To clear your mind."

"B-But, we haven't been together since-"

"Hikaru, you can't concentrate because of Kaoru!" Tamaki responded sharply, quieting the rash twin. Hikaru seethed mentally, as he heard the king again, in a gentler voice, "Like Kaoru was distracted by thinking of you, you're distracting yourself by being with him…"

Tamaki set his firm hands on Hikaru's shoulders, and looked into the confused amber eyes, "You need to think clearly. Kaoru had two years; two years to think about you," he patted him on the head, "Don't you think you need some time to reflect on your feelings?"

Hikaru just stared at him speechlessly, and finally lowered his eyes.

The young maid brought a small tray, a pitcher full of a dark yellowy liquid that looked abnormally like a kind of wine… She set the tray onto the coffee table and excused herself, moving away from the table. The glass cups and the ice in the clear pitcher told otherwise, but…

"Don't worry," Tamaki pointed out casually, "That's green tea. I asked them in advance to bring that in because I thought it would suit your tastes. It worked with Kaoru, at the least."

The blonde immediately poured the iced tea into the two glasses and offered one to the questioning twin. Hikaru took a small sip- it was sort of sweet, and tea-tasting, like the hot tea that Kaoru had offered him just days before.

"I remember Kaoru saying something about "getting drunk" over green tea," he commented bluntly, taking another sip, "Does he really get drunk on that?"

"Well… He did… once," Tamaki said with an air of nostalgia, "It was rather refreshing for all of us, if I may say. He had finally acted as normal as he did before… We were all getting worried over him; we thought he'd _stay_ that way."

Hikaru didn't answer; he only watched the teacup shake in his hands.

Tamaki blinked, before reclining against the sofa casually, crossing his leg over the other, "And I'm getting a little worried over you too."

* * *

How many days has he been at this? Walking back to the third music room, after school-

He stared out the large ornate windows, peering outside; the sight was the same, laughing, giggling girls and conversing boys were settled near the center courtyard, talking, yapping, wasting their breath. He went up the stairs slowly, as if to remember the many, many times he used to come up here, during the host club hours-

Hikaru shook his head free of the thoughts; he couldn't space out like this, he had to make yet another excuse to Kaoru to make him go home first-

It was for his grades, he thought, arriving at the door. He twisted the knob, and opened it, casually walking in. He let the door close behind him as his hazel eyes wandered the half-empty room, searching for… Tamaki.

Only, he didn't find him. He visibly tensed as his eyes met a black-haired head, reclining on the side of the couch, facing away from him, the familiar tapping sounds of the ever so ominous laptop-

"K-Kyouya-senpai," Hikaru made his way over to the couch, his brow raised in interest, "What are you doing here?" The man made no sound. Hikaru shifted his eyes to the left, "And… where's milord?"

"Funny of you to use those terms, as I am no longer your "senpai"," he replied coolly. He waved to the seat opposite of him, "Tamaki told me to tell you something."

Hikaru dropped his school case onto the floor next to the couch, and flopped onto the velvet cushions. There was a long silence, in which Hikaru had no idea what to say, and Kyouya was too busy with his laptop. His fingers flew over the keyboard quickly, and in a snap, the laptop closed, and the college freshman adjusted his glasses.

"Normally, I would be doing my work, but since Tamaki _begged_ me," the adult sighed, opening up his oddly familiar ledger, looking across a wooden coffee table from back in the day over at Hikaru's annoyed expression, "Also, helping out any Ouran student is counted for a grade and gives me a fair reputation."

Hikaru stared at him for a while, "So… why did um, Tamaki want you to talk to me?"

The room was quiet again as Kyouya flipped through the pages of his notebook, his gray eyes scanning the pages. Hikaru was beginning to get slightly irritated- he wanted to start on his homework quickly-

"December, two years ago, Host Club disbanded," Kyouya read, almost mechanically- Hikaru widened his eyes, as he continued, rattling off some numbers, "Haruhi's suggestion."

Hikaru blinked, "Wait, didn't she have a debt?"

"She found a part time job at one of the local hospitals," he shrugged, "She said it wouldn't really matter to her."

Hikaru quieted, looking down- December 4th was…

"Two months after," he said, eyes still on the pages, "Kaoru finally went to school again. Completely failed the final exam, but was promoted due to his circumstances."

The Hitachiin fidgeted slightly-

"June 9th, Kaoru locked himself in his room," Kyouya's brows quirked as he ran his eyes over his words, "For once, I didn't know what he was doing in there… He wouldn't come out for weeks until then."

Hikaru didn't feel like looking at him anymore; instead, he looked out the window, trying to blank his thoughts, trying not to think about how Kaoru must've felt being alone-

"Hikaru," said twin blinked and directed his eyes over to the adult, who placed his notebook down, "Hitachiins are strange when they fall into depression. Kaoru would never smile, never say or do more than what is asked of him, and on landmark days, he just disappears."

He simply stayed silent as Kyouya ran a critical eye over him. The adult propped his head on his hand before averting his eyes from Hikaru's.

"I had hypothesized, that if you didn't wake up by the time he graduated, he would've killed himself."

He waited for a reaction- but Hikaru simply fingered his hand, impatiently, and Kyouya was about to continue when the younger male whispered-

"I thought that too… but…" Hikaru looked at the floor, sadly, "Haruhi…"

"Hmm, interesting," Kyouya commented conversationally, "I talked to Kaoru myself during the last days before my graduation… But he said something interesting-"

"I-I don't really want to hear it…"

Kyouya raised a brow, and sat back in his seat, not at all disturbed that Hikaru had interrupted him, "How about we schedule something else then?"

Hikaru stared as the Ohtori picked up his items, and stood up, glancing at his watch, before saying-

"Tamaki has been annoying me, but I believe that I spent enough time here. Sunday, three o'clock in the afternoon, Third Music Room," he paused in mid-walk, "Oh, and whatever you do, don't bring Kaoru with you."

Hikaru could only watch as the door closed with a loud slam.

* * *

"Hikaru, where are you going?" Kaoru called, as said twin rushed quickly down the stairs, his shoes brushing against the carpet-

He would be late as it is, and he didn't have any time to come up with a lie to keep Kaoru at home. He racked his head for an idea, as he slipped on his coat, hurriedly requesting for a chauffer to be there immediately and take him to school-

"Hikaru?" he flinched as he felt Kaoru's hand on his shoulder, and stopped himself from turning around and seeing the possibly sad face of his brother-

"Kaoru… uh… Tamaki asked me to go to school… to… erm, do yesterday's homework," he said, looking around the lobby, distracting himself with the bright lights.

"I'll come with you then-" he said immediately, and Hikaru blinked, whipping quickly around to see Kaoru's retreating back.

"Wait, Kaoru, um…" And his twin stopped, looking at him in confusion. He fingered his wrist slightly, "I don't want to bother you… or anything… Besides, Tamaki… well, um… I'll see you tonight!" he ended lamely, giving his twin a lopsided smile, "I'll make it up to you, okay?"

Kaoru stared at him, nodding lightly, his hazel eyes on his twin, voice soft, "Alright, Hikaru."

And the elder twin ran quickly outside, to avoid his brother's accusing gaze, that it wasn't true, that _he was lying_.

* * *

Hikaru felt really, really bad; downright gloomy as he paced towards the Third Music Room. His pace was slow, depressed, as he raised his hand to knock on the door.

_knock_

And the wooden door opened quickly-

"Hika-chan!"

He fell to the floor as someone hugged him tightly-

"Hani-senpai?" he choked out, as the smaller male got off of him, smiling a dazzling smile that was enough to make him smile-

The heir of the Haninozuka family didn't change a bit- he was several inches taller than before, and even though the face has gotten mature, the cuteness was still apparent. His honey-brown eyes gleamed at him happily, and Hikaru noted that he was still wearing the casual clothing as he did about two years before. His Usa-chan, however, was nowhere in sight.

"Look, everyone! Hika-chan is here!" he shouted, and Hikaru was pulled harshly inside, and he saw everyone, congregated-

Tamaki was in the midst of chatting to Kyouya, both of which who looked over, smiling warmly and chillingly respectively. Haruhi was off to a corner, pouring over her notes, but at Hani's shout, she placed her books into her bag, and walked over to the door, smiling. And Mori was there, shadowing his cousin, standing even more imposing than before, his arms at his side.

"… Um… hi, everyone?" Hikaru said slowly, as if he wasn't sure what to do- the remainder of the Host Club was gathering around him-

"Ne, ne, Hika-chan, Kao-chan isn't here?" Hani asked, smiling innocently.

He was cut off before he could answer, "No, Kaoru shouldn't be here," and all eyes wandered towards the former president of the host club. He flashed a charismatic smile, "You see, we need to create a plan to help Hikaru!"

"… Help me with what?" he deadpanned, "Look, you're already helping me with math-"

"That's not it, Hikaru," Tamaki pouted, placing an arm around the lone twin, pulling him towards him quickly. He pointed to the heaven dramatically, "It shall be called- GAH!"

"Ne, ne," Hani smiled cutely at him, as Hikaru stared at the twitching adult near the side of the wall, "We're going to help you and Kao-chan!"

"Why?"

"Because."

Hikaru stared at the Haninozuka before directing his eyes to the other former host members-

"It would be next week Sunday, we all have time then, and Haruhi had volunteered herself to be an assistant," Kyouya marked down on his ledger, before glancing at the said commoner who only sweat dropped-

"Well, it's low meat price day…" she mumbled, looking shyly away.

"But…" Hikaru pondered for words, quietly, "Why?"

All the hosts shared a glance with each other, before Hani spoke quietly, "Because Hika-chan is sad that Kao-chan is sad. And we want everyone to be happy, ne?" He looked around, smiling as they all nodded.

"Hikaru, we all know that Kaoru loves you and only you," Haruhi said timidly, as he looked blankly at her. She smiled slightly in his direction, "And you-"

"But I _don't know_," he retorted, his tone a mixture of sadness and anger, "I don't get why Kaoru would do everything for me! I don't know why he didn't just move on! I don't get it! I don't understand Kaoru anymore so how can I tell what my feelings are! I don't know why you're even doing this for me!"

Haruhi reached for him, almost, but Tamaki placed a hand softly on hers, as she averted her eyes away.

"I- I can't love him…" he ended quietly, turning his moist eyes away, "I… just can't."

Hani looked at him, hugging something close to his chest, Mori laid a hand on his head. Kyouya's glasses flashed, as they all watched Hikaru stare bitterly at the floor.

"He's… an idiot. I just don't get why he didn't let go… even when I was about to die."


	3. Understand

Last part and final. Let me remind you the twin are always overdramatic and that it's plausible that they'd do that kind of stuff. :D Okay?

Warning: Some cursing, some mentions of violence, and etc. :3 Slightly twincest, not much.

Disclaimer: I do not own. :D Now, let me go to school.

**After.**

Part III Understand.

* * *

"Hikaru, have you been crying?" he asked quietly, as Hikaru trudged slowly into his room, flopping onto the bed tiredly.

"No," he mumbled in reply, wiping the tears off on his pillow, stubborn.

Kaoru fell silent, "Well, if you're sick or something, tell me. I'll be working on my homework next door, okay?"

Hikaru closed his eyes sleepily, nuzzling his head against the pillow, not bothering to take off his clothes. He heard the door click shut softly, and the air conditioner rumbled slowly in the dead silence.

Suddenly, strange song burst into play-

"Kami, he's never changed his ring tone?" he groaned as he put his hand towards the drawers, opening it up, grabbing for the orange cell phone, flicking it open-

"Moshimosh? Hikaru here," he answered, sleepily-

"_Eh, Haruhi's right- that's funny-" _he heard Tamaki's voice carry over, and he mentally groaned- he didn't want to deal with them right now-

"What's funny?" he mumbled, his eyes drooping again.

"_That you would answer Kaoru's phone, and that it's still in use-" _he rambled, but Hikaru cut him off quickly-

"He wouldn't give me my phone back so I'm stuck using his until the month's over," he said, rolling onto his back, looking at the ceiling boringly.

"_Anyway, Hikaru, can you come to the commoner's supermarket- do you know where that is?"_

"Kind of, have to ask Kaoru to bring me-"

"_Is Kaoru there?"_

Hikaru sat up, slightly, running a hand through his messy hair, "No, do you want to go and call him?"

"_No, just come to school than, next Sunday, seven in the morning if you can make it, meet us in the courtyard," _he said quickly.

"…okay," Hikaru raised a brow, before drawling, annoyed, "Do you have another plan, or something?"

"_Oh, and Hikaru, don't say anything about this to Kaoru."_

He looked at the phone for a while, "Wait, why?"

"_Just don't."_

And the phone beeped. He stared at the phone for a while before he flipped it shut and flopped tiredly onto the bed again, falling asleep almost immediately.

* * *

This… was awkward. Hikaru blinked as the limo pulled up to the commoner's supermarket, many of the civilians were staring at the car as if it was not normally seen- and it wasn't.

"Okay! Let's go every-!" Mori planted a hand on Hani's mouth, and with the little college junior under his arm, he climbed out of the limo, Tamaki following quickly after him. He whipped around and presented a hand to the Hitachiin, who just stared at it before pushing him away and stepping out of the limo, closing the door behind him.

"Kyouya! Aren't you coming?" Tamaki lowered his head towards the open window, just to be deadpanned by the Ohtori.

"No, this doesn't really concern me," he sipped his tea sophisticatedly, his eyes closed, "Have your fun. I'll check up on Haruhi."

He snapped and soon the limo rushed away from the commoner's marketplace, and everyone around them all turned to see the retreating limo.

Hikaru turned away from the sulking lord, and examined the marketplace, his eyes looking over the slightly familiar stands.

"So!" he felt a hand weigh heavily on his shoulder, as the drama-filled voice continued, "Where might we want to start, Hikaru?"

The Hitachiin simply shrugged his hand off, "I don't know; I don't even know what we're supposed to be doing-"

"Spying!" and Hikaru blinked as Tamaki retreated into some strange corner and reappeared, his sunglasses ready in hand- "Do you know- Haruhi's still as single as she'll ever be!"

He blinked at this statement, his mind piecing things together, "Do you mean… that she's going on a date?"

He nodded, almost blissfully happy, "Yes! My daughter's finally growing up!"

Hikaru simply blanked for a second, an onslaught of feelings suddenly coming back to him. He shouldn't be here- he'd completely ruin whoever's chance with her. After all, he still… liked her. He coughed, clearing his throat, before asking, weakly-

"…So… why did you drag me here?"

Tamaki suddenly snapped his head in Hani's direction, who was waving something in the air. The blonde pulled him into the alley, throwing him behind him before peeking back outside.

"Tamaki-"

"Shhhh!" Tamaki shushed, and waved for him to come. Hikaru scrambled to his feet, before peeking over his shoulder, and this almost felt like something-

The man pointed towards a vague direction, but Hikaru could make out a familiar face- scratch that, _two_ familiar faces-

Haruhi and her forced happy expression.

And- Hikaru widened his eyes-

Kaoru.

"…Kaoru?" he mouthed, and all the feeling drained out of him, a portal of emptiness opening up. He gulped, only relieved that his brother had a blank face on, and by his lip movement, he's-

"-marketplace, but you know, I have homework left at home to do, and-"

Hikaru was almost tempted to slam his head against the wall- Kaoru's on a_ date_ with Haruhi, and all he's talking about is _homework_. Talk about a boring, monotonous life.

"Well, this supermarket just opened up recently… so there's new kinds of foods to try out," Haruhi added, trying to lift up Kaoru's mood. She smiled at him, "Come on, you need to go out on an outing sometime."

Kaoru lidded his eyes, but he followed the commoner girl silently, his hands in his pockets.

Tamaki looked proudly at the two, while Hikaru was staring, disbelieving-

"Tamaki, what's the point of this?" he asked.

The blonde smiled a wide smile, closing his eyes, and flicked a strand of hair out of his face-

"Don't you want to see Kaoru be alive?" he asked energetically, but Hikaru shoved his away roughly, ignoring the stares they were receiving.

Hikaru eyed his brother, as they weaved through the crowd, before he looked at the older male, stating truthfully, "He… doesn't look very alive."

"Well, yeah," Tamaki furrowed his brows. He turned around and suddenly the other two males were there, Hani balancing on top of Mori cutely. He waved to them, commanding with some sort of strange dignity, "Persuade Kaoru to smile."

"But Tama-chan! Kyou-chan said not to interfere!" he shouted, as the taller man nodded.

"What?!" He looked ready to pull his hair out, "Why?! Nothing will happen!"

"Yeah, that's what he said too!"

Hikaru shrugged, not caring as he crept slightly away, a strange feeling seeping into his heart-

Love? Jealousy? He furrowed his brows, and dashed away from the commotion, following the two into a store.

"I really want to go home, Haruhi," Kaoru complained again, looking along the shelves and the rows of food. Hikaru's eyes raked the walls, and he looked with some sort of revelation that some of the foods he hadn't tried yet.

"Hmm?"

He blinked, and as if instinct took over, he ducked behind the candy counter, startling the clerk, as Kaoru looked over in his vague direction.

"Kaoru? Look, some mints!"

Hikaru peeked over cautiously, ignoring the glances from the commoner girl and the store manager, watching Kaoru's bored expression clear up, just slightly.

"Wow, I never knew some of these things existed," he commented, as he took a small sample from the box. He ran his eyes over the box, waving it once, twice, and he chewed on the mint slowly, before he licked his lips, "It's actually pretty good."

"There's some more here," Haruhi piped up, although her happy tone was slightly strained, "You know, you can always get some for Hikaru, if that's what you're thinking."

They both flinched; and Hikaru found it strange that they still reacted at the same time-

"Okay," Kaoru said simply, before wandering the rest of the shelves, and picking out random boxes, to Haruhi's watchful gaze, and widening eyes. He pursed his lips, "You know what, maybe Hikaru would like to try some strawberry mints-"

"Yeah, those are pretty good," she smiled, picking out some more boxes to bring to the clerk.

And Hikaru watched as his brother smile that serene smile he had never seen in a long time, and his eyes moistened slightly.

He leaned against the counter, watching, tears ready to fall, and it suddenly occurred to him that Kaoru didn't smile all the time anymore.

And it's all because of that incident.

* * *

He didn't remember the exact sequences.

It was too hard to.

But he knew that Kaoru had completely eliminated it from his mind; he had covered it up so well that the only word he could supply was that it was _before_.

He still remembered fragments of it. He never got the chance to completely erase it.

Hikaru closed his eyes, hugging his pillow to himself, wondering why- why- why it even_ happened_.

_Yelling. It was rare, but he heard it. It was down the halls._

He sighed deep into his pillow, trying to remember what had happened already, what had happened _next_.

_Kaoru was somewhere downstairs, or upstairs. He wasn't sure. He only heard the yelling and that was when he decided that he would find out what-_

What was the yelling about? He asked his blurred memory.

_A designator, screeching her lungs out. It's only lunchtime, not Host Club. He knows her as a designator, one of the ones that Kaoru and Hikaru used to entertain._

He moved his eyes over to the window, his eyes wondering, when was this?

_After the twins had broken up their act, there was a fair amount of opposition. But not a lot. _

He searched his dizzy mind, forcing it to dig up memories of more than two years ago.

_And the fog cleared up and he could see, the windows open behind them, another person, hidden, being yelled at._

He tightened his eyes, hugging the soft pillow closer, willing himself to remember, and then it clicked, and the color drained out of his face-

_Kaoru._

"Hikaru?"

_He stopped at the edge of the staircase-_

"_Why did you stop your act? You said that there was no way you two would be separated!" she yelled, as Kaoru simply looked out the window, ignoring her-_

"_He did; not me. Hikaru wants to fly unrestrained," he replied softly, his arms crossed, "I have the right to let him go."_

"_And disappoint all of us! I've been going to the Host Club for more than two years to-"_

"_Be entertained?" he finished, a chilling tone in his voice. Hikaru froze, watching as the two glared at each other. There was a thick silence, until the girl broke it-_

"_I heard a funny rumor," she challenged, but Kaoru's gone back to looking out the window. She placed a hand on her hip, "That Hikaru's fallen out of love with you-"_

"_It never existed," Kaoru replied coldly, not looking at him._

_Hikaru felt like he had to do something, before this- this-_

"_And it's always been an act, then?" she said lightly, on the border of irritation, and he nodded, ignoring her curiosity._

"_Wasn't that what people paid to look before? Acts?"_

_And Hikaru's eyes widened as she grabbed the front of his jacket, but he's deadpanning her expression-_

"_You were lying! Lying all along?!" and it's bordering on madness, her voice, her tone, her eyes, and Hikaru didn't know how Kaoru could handle such a-_

"_We could never be in love; we're brothers," he retorted, "No matter how well we act, it's always an act, and it's impossible to love your own family."_

"_But you were lying to your own designations!" she growled angrily, "What kind of host would be that cruel to girls!"_

_Kaoru gave her a dismissive look, before saying, his voice cold, "The Devil Type. Wasn't that what you were going to get regardless?"_

_And Hikaru paled as he heard every single biting remark-_

"_Kaoru?" he called softly, not wanting to disturb them, yet wanting for Kaoru to hear, "Kaoru?"_

_Hikaru took several more steps to the top of the stairs, walking towards them, as his brother paused and gave him a curious glance-_

"_You…" she almost hissed, staring at the younger twin, unaware, completely unaware that the elder was there. Kaoru removed her hands from his tie, his eyes moving back to meet hers-_

"_Stop it. We're not going to host anymore if you continue like-"_

"_All hosts are damn jerks. They lie, they cheat," she whispered, laced with hate, and she clenched her hands, turning around, her form crashing into Hikaru's, and suddenly, her eyes narrowed._

"_Um, Hanako-san," Hikaru started, innocently, reaching out, maybe to comfort her, but she hissed protectively, as she backed against the window-_

"_Get away from me," she said, a hint of insanity creeping into her tone. Her eyes flashed, her hands feeling the edge of the window sill, "Or else I'll jump-"_

_Hikaru's heart stopped, his eyes widening, "You can't jump!"_

"_Yes, I can!" her amber eyes watched him cautiously._

"_But-"_

"_Hikaru, she's lying, she's just baiting you!"_

"_No, she's really going to jump!" Hikaru said, his heart beating harder._

"_Get away from me then," she said, a delirious smile coming onto her lips._

_Hikaru bit his lip, taking several steps backwards, as Kaoru followed, his eyes on his twin._

_And in an instant it seemed like she hoisted herself onto the windowsill, and reflexes snapped, and he moved quickly towards her-_

"_Wait, Hikaru! Don't!"_

"Hikaru?" and he blinked, raising his head from the pillow, his teary eyes meeting his brother's concerned ones. Kaoru wiped away the salty drops with his thumb, before looking into Hikaru's eyes, watching. He traced a line in the tears before asking, softly, "What's wrong, Hikaru?"

"Kaoru," he whispered, hugging the pillow close to him, "You said you didn't remember what happened _then_."

Kaoru slid close to him, his arms wrapping around Hikaru's waist, "No, I don't… Why do you ask?"

The elder twin looked up at him, looking at his brother's confused eyes.

"That… girl… Hanako…"

"Hanako?" Kaoru cocked his head, blinking innocently.

"…Did she die?"

Kaoru furrowed his brows, thinking hard, as Hikaru watched, his heart beating anxiously.

Suddenly Kaoru's expression loosened up, smiling a sad smile, "The one who threatened to jump… no."

"Then…" Hikaru's breath stopped, realization flooding into him, his eyes widening. Kaoru patted his back comfortingly. His voice cracked, a small tear leaking out of his eye, "She… She tricked me."

"She was admitted into the mental hospital afterwards. I think she forgot about the entire ordeal," he said slowly, softly, before smiling at his twin, "She had some problems before she met us… But… If you weren't there at that certain time, at that certain place…"

Hikaru choked on his tears, "I don't know why… I couldn't tell. I didn't know why you were being so… so _cold_ to her."

"She was assuming," he sighed, "I had to make her know that nothing's happened between us. And never will."

Hikaru looked at him through his tear-filled eyes, and shook his head, "No… that's not right…"

Kaoru blinked, raising his brow, "What's not right?"

Hikaru closed his eyes, thinking back to the several weeks today, before sliding them open, pointing out shyly, "You love me."

At this, Kaoru smiled, a cautious "I'm only smiling for you to be happy" smile, "Of course, I would. We're brothers."

"You said that you loved me more than a brother," Hikaru recounted, painfully aware of how his twin flinched, "And I said that I didn't."

Kaoru fell silent, his eyes staring down at his fingers, downcast as Hikaru continued.

"Then… why didn't you-"

"Hikaru," he sighed heavily, a tired glint in his eyes, "That won't change anything. You loved Haruhi, and I loved you. I didn't want to let you go, but I wanted you to choose your life…" he paused, shrugging carelessly, "But… Hanako-san kept pestering me; it seemed as if she was only comfortable with me, and kept asking me to tell you that I…"

"And you did," Hikaru blanked slightly, "And I rejected you…"

"And she went insane," he whispered, his hazel eyes scanning the bed sheets, stopping at a small embroidery in the sheets, "And you…"

A long silence echoed emptily through the room.

"The entire thing is so confusing that I don't know who's at fault," Kaoru mumbled quietly, "It's my fault that I loved you; Hanako's fault that she wanted us together; your fault that you believed her and…"

There was a sudden stillness, as Kaoru whipped his eyes to stare at Hikaru's blank face.

"Hikaru!" Kaoru latched his hands onto his shoulders, his eyes wide, as he continued to rant, waving his arm fiercely, "That was _three_ _stories high_! Three stories! Like a hundred feet up, Hikaru! What the hell compelled you to jump off of _that_?!"

Hikaru blinked quickly, "What? That-"

"Three stories!" Kaoru continued hysterically, his shoulders shaking, his hazel eyes piercing Hikaru's, "Do you know how freakin' _scared_ I was? Did you know how worried I was that you weren't going to ever wake up? Did you know how long it took everyone to convince me to leave you alone?"

He pressed his palms against his shoulders, gripping hard enough to bruise. His voice was shaking, as a small tear fell down his cheek.

"Did… you know how scared I was when you almost died?"

Hikaru opened his mouth slightly, his mind buzzing with activities, telling him to do _something_, to _not_ make the same mistake as he did before.

_No, I didn't know, Kaoru, I was unconscious! How the hell am I supposed to know?_ his old self wanted to say, wanted to yell into his face. His blank, confused eyes scanned his twin's tears, watching as another drop fell down his cheek-

Kaoru bit his lip, cursing himself for losing it in front of his twin. He fisted his hand, rubbing against his eyes, trying to stop the tears forcefully. Hikaru's arms circled around his back, pulling him close, enveloping him in an embrace, one that he's wanted for two years-

"I… I know _now_, Kaoru."

And then, Kaoru rubbed his face into Hikaru's shoulder, finally letting himself cry the tears that's been held back _after_.

And then, Hikaru finally realized what's been missing, what's been confusing him the entire time.

Since that day, Kaoru had never cried, and he had never _knew_ it.

* * *

It was a while. After, before, then all described it well, but not as well as a _while_.

The birds cooed sharply, before hopping off the branches with a loud _snap!, _the falling lights coloring the inside of the curtains a deep orange. Trees shook outside, the shadow of their branches nipping at the windowpanes, clothing the dark room in an even darker cloud.

Hikaru casually flipped a page in his magazine, his eyes absorbing the latest fashion designs, because even after _that_, he stilled wanted to excel in designing. Kaoru leaned against him, content to lying on his twin's legs, as he stared emptily at the mirror across the side of the bed. He fingered his fingers, almost dejectedly, before propping himself up on the bed, looking up to glance at his twin.

"Can I say that I'm sorry for being so stupid and crying?" Kaoru deadpanned his twin, redness still apparent around his eyes. Hikaru simply blinked, lowering his magazine to meet the identical pair of hazel eyes.

"You don't have to," Hikaru said meekly, attempting a small smile.

Kaoru pouted slightly, before raising himself almost entirely off of his brother, "Really, that was idiotic of me. Crying, I mean, it's so- so-"

He made some flailing motions, his words coming out in a slur of swears. He met his brother's eyes before jerking his head away, a dark blush on his face, moving his hand spastically in the air.

"I mean, it's so-"

"Overrated?" Hikaru piped in, blinking innocently.

Kaoru stopped and blinked back, "Yeah… cliché and overrated," he scratched at his head, before sighing, "Anyway, that was just bad," he trailed, ending with a mumble.

Hikaru flipped the magazine closed, setting it to the side of the bed, his eyes roaming his twin's dejected figure.

"I feel like an idiot."

"I do too," Hikaru added, almost timidly.

Kaoru averted his hazel eyes, leaning against his brother comfortably, his heart beating in perfect sync with his twin's.

"You know… Kaoru…"

"Hmm?"

Hikaru glanced down his twin's expecting, waiting eyes, before gulping nervously, feeling his cheeks heat up. He coughed, "We're in an awkward position… if you may note that."

The younger twin looked down, before widening his eyes, immediately making to scramble off his brother, "Ah! Sorry, Hikaru, I just-"

He felt hands against his hair, as his protests were muffled by Hikaru's shirt. His blinked his eyes against the cotton fabric as Hikaru blush darkened, his eyes wandering to the side, slightly (very) embarrassed, "I just thought it was a little weird; I didn't say I didn't like it."

Kaoru blinked, peeking through the folds of his clothes, "You… then. Hikaru, then…" he paused, wondering _how_ to say this tactfully, "What about… _you know_…"

Hikaru shrugged, stroking his twin's hair absentmindedly, "I'm not sure… I'm not sure about anything anymore."

"Ah… okay," Kaoru said quietly, not _wanting_ any more, and closed his eyes, rubbing his head against Hikaru's stomach.

"But you know, I think I know what you said to Kyouya-senpai in the time before I woke up," he mumbled, not meeting his eyes.

There was a long silence, as Kaoru waited with baited breath, wondering, wondering if Hikaru really _did _know

"And, Kaoru…"

Hikaru tilted Kaoru's chin upward, hazel meeting hazel, his finger running along his soft skin, his thumb stopping over his lips.

"Even after all that, you'll still- no, _always_ be my number one, even after that, even after all _this_."

Kaoru smiled, a small _happy _gleam in his eyes.

"Even if it's the only thing I understand after all."


End file.
